Everywhere you turn on social media, you see #RelationshipGoals. As a single woman, you may look at the picture that accompanies that hash tag and think to yourself, “When is it going to be my turn?” Trust me when I say, you aren’t alone. We were created for connection with others. I’ve even had moments where I’ve gotten frustrated looking at those pictures/memes and critiqued everything from the matching outfits to who even took the picture. And before you go there, nope, I promise I’m not bitter. I’ve been in a relationship for a very long time now. It wasn’t until about 7 years ago that I actually started to take it seriously. And I would say over the past year or two is when I actually wholeheartedly committed to it.
I’m ashamed to admit this, but I’m hoping my transparency blesses someone. I have cheated on him more times than I care to admit. I put other people before him time and time again. I’ve worshipped the ground some of these guys walked on and barely even gave him a second thought. He got what was left of my heart after I allowed the other guys I was chasing to take all that they wanted from me. I hated being that way, but he forgave me every single time. He took me back over and over again. He’s always pursued me for as far back as I can remember and I guess I took that for granted. Now before you start judging me, let me just say that our relationship now has gone beyond anything I could even dream of. It’s amazing and it all changed for the better once I decided to give him my whole heart.
If you are single woman, meaning you aren’t married, then I need you to pay close attention to what I’m about to say. The ONLY relationship that you need to be worried about right now is the one you have with your Creator. That’s who I’m currently in relationship with as I wait for Him to send me my husband. I know you’re like, “Wait, what about a boyfriend?” Honey, at this stage in your life you should be dating with a PURPOSE. Yes, you are going to have to go through the dating stage but you should both be clear that this is headed toward marriage. I don’t want a space filler (someone that is just there taking up space so you can say you have someone), a time stealer (because he’s wasting your time knowing he has no intentions on committing), or a Boaz. I don’t want anyone but who God created me to be in a kingdom relationship with. Our God given assignments will be linked together. It literally will be a match made in Heaven. Being in a relationship is beyond just having a live in best friend, someone to “do” life with, a constant companion, or even someone to start a family with. If you keep trying to play Holy Ghost Jr, moving ahead of God trying to find that person, you’re going to end up with someone who could potentially be detrimental to your walk. Hide yourself in God. The man for you will be in prayer about you and going to God for himself to find out who you are.
Eve didn’t go up to Adam and try to coax him into a relationship. Eve didn’t even attempt to go out to find Adam. The Word says in Proverbs 18:22, “He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the Lord.” Some of y’all act like it says, “She who is impatient goes out to find a man because she has a problem waiting on God and she feels she can do it herself. Oh, and when it goes awry she expects God to bless her mess.” In Genesis 2, God said that it wasn’t good for man to be alone. He put Adam to sleep and used his rib to create a suitable mate for him. When Adam awoke and saw Eve, he said in Genesis 2:23, “At last!” the man exclaimed. “This one is bone from my bone, and flesh from my flesh! She will be called ‘woman,’ because she was taken from ‘man.’” He recognized her because of his relationship with God. Eve didn’t dispute it either because she had peace from God to trust that this man, presented to her by Him, was the one for her.
Your single season is the most exciting time of your life if you allow it to be. Look at it as the blessing that it truly is. This is the time where you discover your purpose. You can achieve some of those goals and dreams you’ve been trying to accomplish. You can work on becoming the type of person that will be an asset to your future marriage and not a hindrance. Be like Jesus in Luke 2:49 (NKJV), “And He said to them, “Why did you seek Me? Did you not know that I must be about My Father’s business?” God has more for you to do in this life than becoming a wife or mother. You are a valued part of His kingdom. And if your biological clock is ticking, turn it off. Ecclesiastes 3:1 (NKJV), “To everything there is a season, A time for every purpose under heaven…”
God is eternal. He has an eternal perspective. He wants you to focus more on eternal things than temporal things. Your marriage will be temporal. He created time for us, and He can bend it as He sees fit. Your times are in His hands and He won’t give you anything a minute too soon or too late. Author Autumn Miles once stated, “If you are still waiting, you haven’t missed it!” We have to remember that just as Psalm 84:11 (NLT) tells us, “For the Lord God is our sun and our shield. He gives us grace and glory. The Lord will withhold no good thing from those who do what is right.” So chase after God. Let Him be your focus. He is your everything. He said, “I am that I am” meaning He is whatever you need. If you feel a void in your life, that can only be filled by God. If you can’t be content with God, who is your everything, then a relationship won’t fulfill you either. God said in Revelation 2:4 (KJV), “Nevertheless I have somewhat against thee, because thou hast left thy first love.” Return to your FIRST love. The only reason you even know what love is, is because God loved you first. And He loves you more than anyone ever will. His love for you has no beginning and no ending. You can’t measure it. You can’t even fathom it! He is faithful, committed, patient, understanding, and the perfect gentleman. He doesn’t force His will on you so you can choose whomever you like, but God would rather you have someone that treats you like He does. Someone who recognizes the prize that you really are.
Once you’ve come to the place where living for Him is all you care about and He has preeminence in your life, then He can do exactly what He promised in Psalm 34:7 (NIV), “Take delight in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart.” It’s natural to desire a relationship but don’t let that desire become an idol in your life. Just live your life to the fullest. Become all that God declared you would be. All you have to do is follow the advice Apostle Matthew gave us in Matthew 6:33 (NIV), “But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.”
Be blessed loves!
By: Symfoni Dezaun